It’s All in my Head


There are so many unexpected things that have happened to me in the process of “growing” spiritually.  One of the most interesting things to try to work through is convincing myself that it’s not all in my head.  That the things that I hear, or the things that I sense and feel are real.  This has been confirmed time and time again, and I STILL have such a hard time relinquishing control of the things I can’t see/control/understand.  For example, when I first started meditating, clearing blockages, and starting to do some of the harder work, peoples names would pop into my head randomly.  They weren’t just random people though, they are people from my past that I had a connection with for one reason or another.

One woman I knew from high school, and her name was the first to come up.  I actually babysat her son for quite some time, and her son and I have always been very connected.  It was a time in my life, when my own wife was having a hard time getting pregnant, and me and that little guy connected.  He brought so much light into my life.  It forced me to go out for walks, play in the leaves, feel the sun on my skin.  Otherwise, I would have stayed home and really lost myself in the sadness of not being able to be a parent. Needless to say, her name was the first one I heard.  I couldn’t shake it, so I looked her up.  Wouldn’t you know, she had completely revamped her Inst.agram page to reflect the spiritual journey that she was on.  We connected, and right in time, as it made it easier to realize that I wasn’t the only person this was happening to.  And even better, I knew her to be similar to me.  Not your average, stereotypical (for lack of better terminology) “hocus pocus” kinda cultish, weirdo psychic that so many people are used to perceiving as mediums, or empaths, or clairvoyant/audient/sentient people.  It was nice that I knew, for a fact, that she was…well, normal.  We connected, and we are both helping each other on this journey, and it’s been such a nice relationship to have during this process.

It’s happened several other times.  3, to be exact, where I heard their names, clear as day, and sure enough, I look them up, I seek them out, I kind of give them an inkling of what’s been going on with me, and BOOM!  The connection is made, an incredulous, “YOU TOO!!!! OMG!!! NO FREAKING WAY!” happens, and we’ve been meeting up, talking, helping each other, and understanding that we are all on different “missions” to bring whatever it is we have to bring to the world table.  It’s really been awesome and so beautiful to reconnect with these people and figure out NOW exactly why we were put in each others lives.  It confirms that this isn’t “all in my head”.

Last Friday, I had a pretty interesting and intense experience.  I meditated in the morning on my commute to work, and I asked my guides to continue to guide me on my mission in this life.  To continue to allow me to find and complete my purpose.  It got me thinking about the time that I went to Callie’s aunts house (she is a master reiki healer, spiritualist, and Intuitive) and she told me that my guide Susan connected with me because she had committed suicide (by hanging) and her energy really resembled mine.  That she really connected to me. Which to me made plenty of sense.  Interestingly enough, there was one time when I tried to take my own life (by hanging) and the extension cord broke.  I should say, the extension cord was cut, but no one was home with me.  I awoke, on the floor, convulsing, with no recollection of what had happened until I read my journal entry from about 20 minutes before.  It was interesting that she would mention that, without having known that about my life.  So when I was sitting at my computer and I heard Susan Jamison**, considering all of the connections I’ve made when I heard a name in my head, I decided to google it.

You wouldn’t believe what I came across.  It was a post, on a website for people whose family members had committed suicide.  I started reading the story that this mother was writing about her daughter, who in junior year of high school had taken her own life.  They found her outside, but before I even finished the text, I knew how it ended, and I saw her mom, on the edge of the bed, with an item that I couldn’t discern, passing it back and forth in her hands.  And I knew, I had to reach out to her, but how?  So I searched Susan’s name again, with some extra key words, and sure enough, her mom had been picked to be featured in a book similar to the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series about what I assume are parents who lost their children to suicide, and it listed a name.  I googled the name, and Mom was the first FB entry to show up.  I found her, searched her page, and saw Susan’s face.  The hairs stood up on the back of my neck, my head started tingling, my palms got sweaty, and I couldn’t shake the fact that I felt like I NEEDED to reach out to her mother.

So I did………Friends, it was so beautiful to be able to give her the following message…

“…Susan is telling me to tell you that she loves you so much, and that she is happy and at peace.  She said that you keep something of hers and you look it at it at night and pass it between your hands.  The times that you have felt a hand or a soft touch on your shoulder, it’s her….She doesn’t blame you, but she knew that there was something important for her to do….”

The wildest thing is, before I write ANYTHING anymore, I pray that I have help finding the right words.  I don’t even really remember writing this stuff, which makes it more interesting.  About 2 hours later, I receive a response…


and even today…


I was accurate…and this is what I mean…I have to start trusting myself, and my gut, and the messages that I receive, because they make a difference.  They are valid.  Maybe, all these years, all this time, it really WAS in my head, and that, I’m starting to realize, is a beautiful thing….

Love and Light Friends,

**Susan’s last name was changed to protect the privacy of her family.


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